I

I listen to a song unsung, unheeded, and rejoice at the sweetest feeling that I will ever feel.

I am at a place far flung and remote

Yet I am at a place where I belong.

You are there where you are suppose to be

A thousand miles with thousand barren lands in between

Yet I know you think I think of those complexities of a man that could ever be.

I long to hear our songs the ones we would shriek with our rotten voices over the barsaati, through the phone, and the echo that pervades every nook and cranes of that labyrinth that we once found comfort in…our home.

It was neither yours nor mine

Yet it was Ours           

Ours forever,

Ours of You and I

Ours of Us

Us of You and I.

Remember that anger and tears

I do. They keep my heart beating, blazing, burning with the lies of yesterday.

You change I stay the same

You exchange I unchanged

Never too tired to give up

Never too strong to move on.

You are perhaps with number infinite

I +1 remembering you -1 remembering you

I infinitely remembering you

I basked in the stored sunlight of the past

I glow with the light of the heated past

Disillusionment is obstinate

Tranquility is obsolete

I jumble myself with the words in O

I wait I will.

You’ll flit you are suppose to

We will meet regularly telepathically (your words)

generously in our dreams

In flesh it will take a while

12 month

10 years perhaps 20

Or Never.

Still I rise Maya Angelou

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

you

I wonder how you are tonight

With your arms wrapped around her tight

Your talks of sweet nothing
her awed loving stares
as if you are the most beautiful thing she stumbled upon
intensely listening,morphing into your every emotions
you smile she smile you laugh she laugh
crying when you reveal your frustrations 
and curse your naysayers
the passion so profound 
my shattered heart shattering when you softly kiss
mumbling her name.

Did My name create an obstacle in your conversation

or smell my scent daftly lingering in the room.
No.

She is there listening to your dreams you once shared with me

Is she as gullible as me?

Or that strong headed tempered wretch that I am

Questioning yet timidly bowing to your love.

I being replaced with that slender lass

Perhaps a decade younger

With the one I once thought I knew.

Is she the one you thought of as Me?

me

                                              Musing

I don't dream nor hope,
all I do is just lit up a smoke,
to ease up my chaos mind,
to drain all my fuzzy thoughts.
With each puff I take in,
I let go the memories bit by bit,
but no longer it ends,
the thoughts starts piling all over again.
Sometimes I get delusional,
I try to look at it as peripheral illusions..
But my heart literally starts aching,
I try to numb it by mindless talking,
wishful thinking ,
and endless conversation with some random stranger,
it's a danger,
the thoughts are like cancer,
and I'm a dancer,
Vacillating in perpetuity.
He hears me talk with a grin from ear to ear,
I can feel his chagrin
yet I ignore his interrogative amused stares.
I babble idiosyncratic syllable,
I don't expect him to understand,
He knows I knows,
the feeling is mutual,
He fakes empathy,
and I'm all apathy,
He thinks about 'Her'
and I think about 'Him',
We share a drag,
Take a deep breath,and
Feel the nothingness in between!

thinking

Laying here down with thoughts conquering my tiny brain 

I try to find solace from this puzzled pain.

I looked at your pictures

Memories flooding my brain

Good times we shared seem to drown my pain.

Reminiscence about the night we were together

Up on the terrace

with you, me and the syntex barrel.

I, creating a facade of being oh so happy

And you so engrossed with yourself.

It's funny now that it has all ended.

I console myself with the thoughts

that maybe we were just good friends.

Deeper down I wonder

Was it just a case of unrequited love from my end!

Did you even care about how I felt?

Or was I a part of your game.

Well... Strange is love

 Stranger is life,

And I guess some things are best left unsaid.

i

I dive into that bottomless sea
deep deeper I go
In search of that heartless man
who left me long ago.
I hold my breath and deep down I go
 I feel the need for air and my body struggling
my mind admonished
and the body listened
i let go of myself
and suck the blue sea in.
I felt peace as the sea devoured me
and felt my lifeless body slowly rising
till I remember no more.

i

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I leave you behind

Breaking away from the clutches of your memory

And starting a brand new life

where the only people who matters are the ones who always stood by my side

And you get erased and deleted like the word ‘undefined’.

It’s not your fault but it’s a doing of mine

I am so weak I get stuck with you all the time.

You just left without a farewell and disappeared in the nick of time

 I am licking your faded footprints in the sand of time.

  I went to the cobbler
  to fix a hole in my shoe
  he took one look at my face and said
  “i can fix that hole in you.” 
          — Acid Tongue, Jenny Lewis