me

                                              Musing

I don't dream nor hope,
all I do is just lit up a smoke,
to ease up my chaos mind,
to drain all my fuzzy thoughts.
With each puff I take in,
I let go the memories bit by bit,
but no longer it ends,
the thoughts starts piling all over again.
Sometimes I get delusional,
I try to look at it as peripheral illusions..
But my heart literally starts aching,
I try to numb it by mindless talking,
wishful thinking ,
and endless conversation with some random stranger,
it's a danger,
the thoughts are like cancer,
and I'm a dancer,
Vacillating in perpetuity.
He hears me talk with a grin from ear to ear,
I can feel his chagrin
yet I ignore his interrogative amused stares.
I babble idiosyncratic syllable,
I don't expect him to understand,
He knows I knows,
the feeling is mutual,
He fakes empathy,
and I'm all apathy,
He thinks about 'Her'
and I think about 'Him',
We share a drag,
Take a deep breath,and
Feel the nothingness in between!

thinking

Laying here down with thoughts conquering my tiny brain 

I try to find solace from this puzzled pain.

I looked at your pictures

Memories flooding my brain

Good times we shared seem to drown my pain.

Reminiscence about the night we were together

Up on the terrace

with you, me and the syntex barrel.

I, creating a facade of being oh so happy

And you so engrossed with yourself.

It's funny now that it has all ended.

I console myself with the thoughts

that maybe we were just good friends.

Deeper down I wonder

Was it just a case of unrequited love from my end!

Did you even care about how I felt?

Or was I a part of your game.

Well... Strange is love

 Stranger is life,

And I guess some things are best left unsaid.

i

I dive into that bottomless sea
deep deeper I go
In search of that heartless man
who left me long ago.
I hold my breath and deep down I go
 I feel the need for air and my body struggling
my mind admonished
and the body listened
i let go of myself
and suck the blue sea in.
I felt peace as the sea devoured me
and felt my lifeless body slowly rising
till I remember no more.